


The Care and Keeping of Angels

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fallen Angels, Gen, Season 8 withdrawal crack, crack au where angels aren't dicks, pre season 9
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-01
Updated: 2013-12-01
Packaged: 2018-01-03 02:35:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Angels fall from heaven, Kevin writes a guide. Sam and Dean hijack it and leave commentary</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Care and Keeping of Angels

**Author's Note:**

> I realize now this is not quite accurate in any way shape or form to how fallen angels really are, but season 8 was over and I needed fluff.

By Kevin Tran With notes by **Dean** and _Sam Winchester._

 

You may have recently found yourself as the adoptive parent or caretaker to an angel who has fallen from heaven. Here are a few tips to help you care for your new charge. **We kinda, well, failed...** _There might be a confused naked person in a crater in your front yard right now._

 

Angels need vessels, so they borrow humans bodies. If one of them asks for your permission, it’s up to you to let them in or not. **If they’re a douche about it say no and call a hunter.** Everything in this world is new to them **Well not really, they’ve been watching over it from the beginning of time, but they missed a lot of details. Like showers.** Be patient answering what may seem like constant questions. **There are some days when he honestly will not shut up but if I snap at him he’ll get all sulky.** Angels are highly intelligent and learn quickly, but are also very specialized. They may have a hard time adapting to their new life. It’s your job to manage their new set of needs, educate and protect them. **Angels really are amazing creatures.You can learn all there is to know about their ways in a month spent translating an ancient tablet, and yet after a hundred millennia, they can still surprise you.** _Dean you are such a nerd._ **Shut up**. _Jerk._ **Bitch**

Angels do not require sleep in their natural state. They may become confused at their growing fatigue. Angels may also be fussy and irritable when they are tired. Scheduled and frequent naps are recommended until your angel learns to sleep through the night and get to bed on their own at the appropriate time. **If you don’t put them to bed every night they won’t ever sleep they’ll get cranky and collapse in the middle of the grocery store.** _Don’t read bible stories at bed time or they’ll start correcting you._

Do not let your angel over-eat, or forget to eat. **Mine ate 300 White Castle burgers once.**   _Dean that’s disgusting, they don’t need to know that._ **What?** **It was kinda funny after we ganked Famine and all.** This is also a new requirement they will not fully understand. Feed them nutritious meals throughout the day and avoid snacks before dinner time. **Never get them drunk.** _Ever._ Angels will not be aware of the outcomes of meals, they should handle this on their own, but be prepared to “house train” your angel. **You remember the first time Cas pooped?** _You sound like you’re talking about your newborn._ Bathe your angel regularly; be delicate. **They like it when you scrub their backs, just be careful around the wing joints.** Make sure they brush their teeth. Help your angel establish good habits. **Like leaving the seat up at home**. _Unless Charlie’s over._

Praise them when they succeed, gently correct them when they makes mistakes. Angels don’t mean to misbehave, but they may act out when they lack direction or structure. **Don’t you ever yell at them.** Talk to them about their problems and be an attentive listener. _This is harder than it sounds._

Angels will not initially understand their intimate desires, protect them from acting rashly, or from being acted upon. Encourage them to develop healthy relationships. **Don’t take an angel to a brothel; they will bolt and it’s not pretty.**

Comfort your angel when they are homesick. **Take them out for walks and let ‘em chase squirrels. I’m not kidding, they love the park. They like fishing too but only if you comfort the fish you hook.** Learn the individual way they show this. Never let your angel loose hope, especially when it seems like there is none. **We’re working on it okay!** _We’ve got a few favors to call in but Heaven should be up and running next season._ Let your angel find ways to be useful. Give them opportunities to care for others; this will greatly improve their quality of life.

Angels will find wonder in the strangest things; indulge them. **Food, dude loves food. One day he slaughtered a hog for a sandwich. Another time he brought back wild honey.**

Angels have an incredibly strong connection to their family, a strong sense of obedience. Even when they seem well adjusted, stay close to them. You are their surrogate family now and they need your love and guidance.

 _Don’t instruct them on every little thing, you might feel like you have  to, but most of them have spent their whole life following orders, they really need to practice free will._ _They have to learn how to make mistakes and take risks. Making their own decisions is going to be the hardest thing they’ve ever done but you just have to let them struggle._ **If you crap out on them we will hunt you down.**

 


End file.
